today there was the little voice inside me, struggling to get out, screaming, "help. please help! i don't know what to do. Save me please."
Part of me wants to give up and let it take over, cover my whole soul, keep me hidden behind that mask. That mask with its false smile made of plastic. That wall covering my heart, cold and solid, never falling down.
But there was this tiny little part of me, screaming loudly, almost annoying, " what are you doing?! no, for god's sake."
but i was tired, This overwhelming tiredness kept this screaming voice behind a door, locking it, although still audible.

This part, was screaming and kicking at the door, almost feeling hopeless, but seem to never tire. So frustrating. i can't get it out of my mind, it still wants to fight, and never knew what is defeat, even if it's right in front of them. why do i feel so weak?

the reasons vanished at once, what was i doing there? Did i do what i was supposed to do? why why why did i chose to go?


tiredness. i have had enough for today. this silent screaming, annoying, painful. GET IT OUT OF ME. PLEASE. I BEG YOU.

please take it away. i feel so weak, as if someone punched me in the stomach, knocking the air out of me. this cold blanket covering me, makes me feel so cold, too cold. weak.

WEAK, I FEEL MUCH TOO WEAK.

you know, LAUJIAWEN! Chocolate's my medicine.